molly's guide to cyberpunk gardening

i'm sure we can learn nothing from the fall of the roman empire

I am not a historian. I'm sure this is all very simplistic and reductive.

BUT I got spicy this morning and searched "why did the Roman Empire fall?" And this pop-history listicle seems to have NOTHING WHATSOEVER to teach us in the present moment:

History dot com: 8 reasons why Rome fell

I'm sure reviewing these is an exercise in futility. Especially when there are no tottering empires on the map just now. Right? Right.

1. multiple military losses in a row

Losing repeatedly against the same opponent is surely a different thing. So is losing every war/police action/incursion/"operation" since 1945. I'm not a military strategist or a historian, so I can assert with complete professional confidence that these things surely have nothing in common.

By the way:

is Hormuz open yet?

2. spending so much on war that the rich people flee and you don't have a source of underpaid labor because there are no more slaves

Thank goodness we are spending only a reasonable amount on wars right now:

Harvard Kennedy School: Why is the war in Iran so expensive?

and we're not doing anything to disrupt the steady flow of vastly underpaid labor in this country who will grind without complaint:

ICE enforcement and removal operations statistics

3. the rise of an empire to the East

Rome also had to deal with the increasing might of Byzantium after Emperor Diocletian split the empire. Byzantium was well-defended, so invaders avoided it. They instead headed to Rome, whose crumbling infrastructure made it an easier target.

It's a good thing the US has kept up its domestic infrastructure

Seriously, can you imagine how much it would suck right now if some nation to the east of us was outperforming the US in critical technologies

Imagine if they were also helping some other countries modernize too while we sit here all fat and spoiled in our crumbling mcmansions

4. overexpansion and military overspending

Rome also got too big to manage. Which makes sense, especially when people still had to communicate by horse. But "too big to manage" is a function of two things: (1) how big your territory is and (2) how much government you have available to manage it.

We have already established that the US, at least, is wisely not overspending on military misadventures. Whew! I'm also glad to announce that the US is definitely not

cutting the size of its government while also seeking to expand its territory

just not doing its job *shrug emoji* from time to time

5. government corruption and political instability

Insurrections! Appointing your son in law to important tasks for which he has zero experience and negative competence! Handing out government jobs to rich cronies! A Senate that does nothing!

Charging taxpayers for your whimsy-based destruction of federal buildings!

Suing your own government so you can raid the piggy bank!

Creating a personal grievance payback fund when a judge tells you you're not actually allowed to sue yourself to get access to taxpayers' money!

Indeed, we are fortunate to live within an empire whose wise, far-sighted leaders, understanding the mistakes of the ancient Romans, would never dare to repeat such follies.

6. border shenanigans

Multiple recent US presidents learned: When the Huns push the Visigoths into your territory, don't welcome them in and then oppress them to the point they turn on you. Just build a giant-ass useless wall with taxpayer money so you can say you did something and call it good.

7. Christianity eroded traditional state values

Oops.

8. Undermining your ability to recruit soldiers from among your citizenry

Imagine: you have a nation of some 300 million people, many of whom will VOLUNTARILY sign up to fight and die for the nation.

Instead you tell a bunch of them to get fucked.

I know. I can't imagine it either. Because the US is a THRIVING empire. Not at ALL at risk of repeating the mistakes of previous empires. Thank goodness for that, I say.

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