I am home sick today with what had better not be influenza A symptoms (but a bunch of my students and a couple teachers have been out with it the last few weeks so I wouldn't be surprised if it is). I did feel good enough just now to stagger out and get the mail, though. Which is where this story comes from.
In 2012, my husband (still alive at the time) and I rented a house in a rural area. The only available ISP was one of the big ones, which I shan't name. When we moved out in 2013, the ISP sent us a final bill indicating we had a credit of $18.20.
A year later, we moved across the state to a place not served by this particular ISP. Yet every month, without fail, they sent us a statement listing our $18.20 credit. Eventually my husband got sick of this and contacted them to ask them to just send a check for the $18.20.
"Oh, we don't pay out credits under $25," they said.
He asked them to stop sending statements, then.
"Oh, we're required to send statements," they said.
We moved several times between 2013 and 2019. The statements always followed. We have received a statement listing our $18.20 credit every month since February 2013. We cannot cash in this credit. Nor can we use it on Internet service, as we've never moved back into the ISP's service area.
I got another copy in the mail today. So I did some math.
Based on the cost of a US first-class stamp each year from 2013 to today, I estimate that this ISP has spent about $96.65 so far on postage to tell us about a credit we can and will never use. Add the costs of envelopes and paper, and they're over $100. All because their policies "prevent" them from sending a check for less than $25.
Investing that same $18.20 in the S&P since 2013 yields $105, which is basically a wash. In the long run, it'll be a loss, given the S&P's insane growth with no real sustained downturn since 2013.
Yes, I can switch this bill to e-statements and stop getting it in the mail. But I won't. I consider it my endowment in the future of the United States Postal Service. Through it, I force an ISP to pay for a stamp every month in my name.
My endowment shall live forever. Or they could just send me my damn $18.20. Their call.
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